They say there is a thin line between love and hate. I guess what they mean is that both emotions are extremely powerful and extremely passionate. You can passionately love someone and you can passionately hate someone. By definition passionate means: capable of having, or dominated by powerful emotions; showing or expressing strong emotion; ardent; etc. By that definition, I could say that I have a passionate, love/hate relationship with my husband.
That was the case this weekend. How someone you love so much can bring out the strongest of “hatred” emotions is beyond me, and honestly kind of scary. I truly love my husband. He is a caring man, a great father, a hard worker, an honest person, a very intelligent human being, and a humorous guy who can bring me to laugh with his wit (these are just some of his attributes). This same wonderful man I describe can also be the most stubborn, contrary, have-to-be-right man that evokes such a “rise” out of me that I say the meanest things just to retaliate against his snide comments and over-confident demeanor. I must preface this by saying that I’m not above being aware of my own short-comings. I know I am not easy to live with. I do get irrational at times (most women are known to – but hey, we think with our emotions, whereas men think with….well, let’s just stop there). Anyway, I am strong-willed and yes at times…bitchy, especially when I know what I want.
This weekend things just snow-balled, and I willingly admit that it started with me. We were rushing to get out the door and my husband put something in the diaper bag that I didn’t want in there, when he was only trying to help (this is a time I expected him to read my mind) and I irrationally (yes, I admit it) flew off the handle. Now I realize my behavior was totally ridiculous and my husband had every right to say something to me but for some reason it just kept escalating and finally I said, “I hate you”. And honestly at that moment I felt that way. How is it possible that you can have such deep loving feelings for the father of your children and turn around a few hours later ready to pounce on him like a rabid animal attacking its prey?
I’m not proud of this rush of emotions I had. In fact I am embarrased that I, a mother, who tries to teach her children to control themselves and not hit or say mean things when they are angry acted like a child herself — a spoiled one at that. The only way I can describe it best is that it’s like a tea kettle and the hotter it gets the more it’s going to blow. And let me tell you, that whistle could have awakened the dead.
I certainly have to say that there truly is a thin line between love and hate. What makes us cross the line? I imagine it’s the intensity of the feelings. Love/hate are both intense feelings that arouse a deep emotion that at times act the same passionate way, except….one is good for a relationship and the other one is not. I’m hoping, as I’m sure my husband is, that the passion in our relationship doesn’t send either one of us to the hospital. 😉