Surely after fourteen years of marriage and three kids, my husband should know when I need his help without having to say something ——- right? I mean, we have lived together long enough and know enough about one another to figure out when the other is going to get annoyed if one of us is lounging on the couch while the other is carrying a basket of laundry in one hand, racing to the kitchen to check on dinner. I get so frustrated when it is so blatantly obvious that help would be appreciated while he’s off in his “own world.”
If an old woman were struggling to reach for an item on the shelf at the grocery store my husband would help her. Me?….the woman who carried three of his children, the person who takes care of everyone else…..me, he is totally oblivious to. To hear his side, he would say, “I can’t read your mind, I don’t know when you need my help unless you ask for it.” Okay, here’s where that argument is weak. Yes, he cannot read my mind but he knows me well enough and we’ve had the same argument often enough to know when I need help. It’s pretty simple, if he’s sitting down on the couch or leisurely surfing the net and I’m doing work of some sort around the house……..guess what?—- I NEED HIS HELP!! I’m not that much of a mystery.
When he has brought home a lot of work and looks stressed out about it I offer to help him. I don’t need him to ask me…I offer, without having to read his mind. Now, mind you, he never takes me up on it but I am willing if he did. If one of our boys were trying to put together a Lego kit my husband would undoubtedly ask him how it was going……….meaning “do you need help?” This he would do without reading minds but just by knowing his kids. Why then is he “unable” to do the same thing for his wife? Let’s look at that……….hhhhmmmm, could it be that putting together a Lego kit is fun to him, while getting his butt off the couch to help with laundry and dinner is NOT fun to him? Is it really about not knowing when I need help or is it more about what he would rather be doing at the time?…………I wonder.
I don’t want it to sound like I don’t appreciate my husband. That’s not the case at all. I know he helps out much more than the average guy. He is willing to help out wherever he is needed, but…… I HAVE TO ASK. It’s the times that I have to ask (when it’s pretty obvious) and the times he totally misses the boat that infuriate me because we are a team and we are supposed to be working together…………and frankly, by now, we are supposed to be able to read each others mind.
*DISCLAIMER* This article is based on opinions from the author and doesn’t necessarily represent facts (as per my husband).